14 Strangely Poetic Yelp Reviews Of Gay Bars

“Insecurity rolled into one well-bronzed, heavily perfumed ball of goo.” Meh, two stars.

1. “It had the ambiance of my parents basement. And was about as fun.”

2. “Insecurity rolled into one well-bronzed, heavily perfumed ball of goo.”

3. “Had a very weak and watered down Jack and water in a plastic Dixie cup, took a seat and watched a young east village guy gyrate in circles like a semicomatose Dervish for fifteen minutes…”

4. “Like mindless cattle just dry humping away.”

5. This actual haiku:

6. “Still, for all the vile groping you’ll get– no doubt from some unattractive boor–the drinks should be free”

7. “The hipster stench washes over you like a cold wave of excrement from the moment you enter.”

8. “Same S***, Different Smell every night.”

9. “… its dilapidated exterior now reminds me of an accident on the highway that’s been cleared for hours, but continues to attract lookey-lous, there is nothing to see here, people, keep moving..”

10. “Smells like dank meets piss in a pool of sweat.”

11. “…this place smells like old McDonald’s fries. FYI man has manky beard.”

12. “I wouldn’t come back. It was nothing like Queer as Folk. Boo.”

13. “We thought someone farted till the smell lingered for about an hour. That’s all I’ve got to say.”

Annnnnd, this kicker:

14. “Too gay even for me.”

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/skarlan/14-strangely-poetic-yelp-reviews-of-gay-bars

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